After a 20-year absence, American Gladiators has returned to the airwaves. I used to love watching it on Saturday mornings as a kid... Let's see how this one goes...
9pm: Opening montage and 'history' of the American Gladiators. Nice to see a sense of history.
9:01 pm: Hosted by the Hulkster and Laila Ali! Funny how Hulk Hogan and his compatriots of the day (Iron Sheik, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, Junkyard Dog ("Grab Them Cakes!") "Rowdy" Roddy Piper) used to bodyslam in the same timeframe during the Saturday mornings of my youth.
9:04 pm: Chick contestants introduced with short piece on their lives. First sob story of series achieved by divorcee avec kids contestant competing against Life Coach.
9:06: POWERBALL (Chicks)! Divorcee Avec Kids sob story is down about 40 secs in, and eliminated in the Powerball event after injury.
9:10: Familiarity grabs my attention as I scan through commercials with the TiVo... Hold on... Quick replay. KNIGHT RIDER promo with the voice of K.I.T.T. by G.O.B. from Arrested Development (is he always going to play acronymical characters?). That's freakin' HUGE. Now, I'm always open to a good remake (Charlie's Angels, Fugitive, Brady Bunch Movie)... Hope it doesn't suck like Bionic Woman. NBC? Can you hear me? Can you create something new? Or can you bring back The Greatest American Hero? Realize I'm thinking this while watching American Gladiators, and decide to move on.
(UPDATE: It's here!)
9:11p Tattooed pro skateboarder DAD Chad and Little Italian NY Firefighter introduced.
9:14 Little NY Firefighter dude freakin' RULES at Powerball! Watch them moves... Scrappy! Kicks Skater Dad's ass, 12-2.
9:16p Rehab Doc replaces Divorcee, gets whupped in JOUST.
9:18p Life Coach survives JOUST but doesn't get the knockdown. A Walk's as good as a Hit, I suppose.
9:23 HANG TOUGH. Firefighter is slick and spry, and Gladiator Militia doesn't even make contact.
9:24p Militia is eliminated because of injury (they don't make Gladiators like they used to, apparently... Nitro NEVER missed an event, yo.).
9:25p The Wolf, a Wolverine knockoff, is introduced to replace Militia against Skater Dad Chad. SKD talks smack.
9:25p Wolfman ensnares him, and into the drink they go. Crowd sings along to "Hey Hey, Goodbye"... This is looking more and more like Running Man.
9:27p EARTHQUAKE. Rehab Doc against Gladiator Fury on a swinging disc of Lucite, kinda like the spiky platform in Flash Gordon. RD survives by contrition.
9:32p Life Coach makes a strong move against Fury, but overshoots, and dumps off the platform.
9:33p HIT AND RUN Scrappy Firefighter makes obligatory 'back in the 'hood of the LES NYC' event allegory, to adoring fans. Once again sails through.
9:35p Skate Dad Chad tries his luck, and makes some anti-establishment comment about why he will be triumphant. Dumps into the water 30 secs in. Oops.
9:38p Both chicks in the PYRAMID. Rehab takes a fall from the top, and then Life Coach follows. Rehab makes a scramble for the top, but doesn't make it. Rehab wins the event with 5 pts, and taking the lead in the competition.
9:44p WNBC WxGuy says we'll be 'flirting with 60' this week... Sweet.
9:45p Scrappy McFirefighter busts his ass, gets a lucky break, and takes the PYRAMID. He leads in the competition, 37-2. Oh snap! Get ready for THE ELIMINATOR!
9:47p Over a wall, 20 foot underwater/under fire swim, rope cargo net climb, barrel roll, windy-up thing, balance beam, pyramid, zip line, travelator (both contestants are barely making it through the course). Rehab is making a comeback! Life Coach can't get up, and she passes her for the win at the breakthrough wall! So much for mind over matter, Life Coachy.
9:51p Hulkster declares Rehab the Winner of this round, and a spot in the Final Eight. Cut to commercial. Hope they run another Knight Rider promo. :)
9:56p Dudes in the ELIMINATOR. This one's a bit more evenly matched, as Skater Dad Chad seems better at obstacle courses than against the Gladiators. Scrappy McFirefighter struggles, but takes the win to get his place in the Eight. NYC! NYC! Woo hooo!!
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